Rachel Egan

WORRIED ABOUT SOMEONE?

If you’re worried that a family member, a friend, or a student or colleague is struggling with an eating disorder it can be hard to know what to say.

Warning signs

Here are some of the warning signs somebody may display if they have an eating disorder:

• Anxiety around weight and shape.
• Sudden increased interest in food, cooking and/or exercise.
• Low food intake, or restricting certain foods that they previously enjoyed.
• Hoarding food or stealing food.
• Eating in secret.
• Binge-eating or noticing large amounts of food go missing.
• Visiting the toilet more frequently, especially after meals.
• Excessive exercise or physical activity like walking for hours everyday.
• Weight changes.
• Rigidity in thinking patterns, or low mood.

How to start the conversation

Eating disorders thrive in secrecy and many sufferers find it difficult to recognise that they have a problem. They might deny that they are struggling, or try to downplay it. But this doesn’t mean that they aren’t seriously ill and need help.

The sooner somebody can get support for an eating disorder, the better their chances of a full, sustained recovery are.

Here are some top tips on how to approach the conversation:

• Pick a time when neither of you are rushed or stressed. Avoid broaching the subject at mealtimes as these can be stressful enough for the person.
• Have some information on eating disorders to hand. Even if they don’t want to read it then and there you can leave it there ‘just in case.’ The Beat website has printable information.
• Where possible make sure it is only you and them; any more can feel like an attack. I see this a lot in well-meaning parents who sit their teenage son or daughter down and talk to them together. It can be better to decide between you who that person might feel more comfortable speaking to.
• Start by telling them how you feel. A statement like ‘I feel concerned about you because you seem anxious around mealtimes’ opens the conversation much more and sounds much less accusatory than ‘You don’t eat enough’.
• Don’t list too many things you have noticed as this can make them feel like they are being watched. If somebody feels like they are being watched it may lead to them becoming more secretive with their eating disorder.
• Don’t make comments based on their appearance. Things like ‘you have lost too much weight’ or ‘You’re growing out of all your clothes’ aren’t helpful.

What if they get angry or deny that there’s a problem?

This can be disheartening, but it is not uncommon. Anosognosia (the inability to recognise that you have a medical condition) is common in eating disorders.

There is no point in getting angry back at them. You want them to feel comfortable talking to you after all! End the conversation with compassion and tell them that your door is always open if they do want to talk in future.

Try again at a different time. For me, it took a number of conversations from concerned family and friends over the course of a year for me to realise that I needed help. I am glad nobody gave up on trying to help.